Summer 2014, Mission
Trip #5
It happened again this summer--
the breaking of my heart. The faces and smiles of the children at the
orphanages-- familiar ones from past years grown taller, and some from past
summers that have not changed all that much, remaining the same size and stature. Then there are
always the new little faces, with scared eyes, reluctant to approach, yet
desperate for a lap and to be engulfed in arms of safety, comfort and love.
Why, you might ask, after having
your heart broken the first summer, do you go back? Why, when you know you will
experience it all over again?
Yes, that’s it. That’s
exactly it: You know you will experience it all. over. again.
When God breaks your heart, He is
letting you experience in a small way, what He experiences, and your heart
becomes more like His. In that moment, you see with His eyes and love with His
love. This breaking of the heart is done by the Master Surgeon, who then, with
divine touch, allows your heart to remain broken and changed, but healed too.
The first summer you go, you go not
knowing the degree of brokenness your heart will experience--and that is
probably a good thing. A mission trip in
most people’s minds entails going to a different culture, helping with physical needs there, and presenting the Salvation
message. You step out in faith into the unknown and trust that God will be
there, that He will use you, and that He will bring you home. Then you discover
that He is there, and does all that and much more: You are the one who is changed; you are the one who is transformed.
John Piper writes, “Faith has an insatiable appetite for
experiencing as much of God’s grace as possible. Therefore, faith presses
toward the river where God’s grace flows most freely, the river of love. What
other force will move us out of our comfortable living rooms to take upon
ourselves the inconveniences and suffering that love requires?”
So, each year I go. I go
expecting God to break my heart in a new way. And each year it happens: God breaks my heart
anew. But the amazing thing is, my heart
is not a shattered mess of a million pieces. No, it is enlarged. The breaking is to enlarge
it, allowing it to be bigger, allowing more room to see God and His ways.
And each year, while the breaking
of my heart is expected and happens, I have noticed that something else is
going on too. The pain that my heart first experienced on the first trip, is not
the same; it pales now because I am able to see God at work over time and
glimpse a small unfolding of His plan. The eyes of my heart see more clearly
what the Lord has done and is doing in the lives of these children in Romania.
“Faith loves to rely on God and see Him work miracles in us. Therefore,
faith pushes us into the current where the power of God’s future grace flows
most freely --- the current of love.” ~John Piper
Thank you Lord, for making the
choice to step into your river of love irresistible, and for allowing me to participate
in your holy work.
